He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your penis caused this!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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