Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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