People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
