I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
