Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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