she smelled like a LAN party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
