He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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