The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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