summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i think im in europe. pls send help
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
