Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ttyl tear gas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
