I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
