You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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