the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
