my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have already put on my inside pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
