I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize