On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
