I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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