Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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