i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Floor bacon is actually really good
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
