i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
