eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
