Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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