one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
