You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i believe in u and ur pee
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
