your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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