He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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