I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
