This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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