saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
