One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
