You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize