Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
