Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
