Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize