everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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