also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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