I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
