I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
