not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
