i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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