hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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