What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
