He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
