You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
