If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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