what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
