New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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