good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
FUCK WHALES
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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