I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
