i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
