lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
