im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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