btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
