You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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