No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You can't special order awesome
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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