I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
