Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
