please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
