why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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