i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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