I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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