They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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