dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
