I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
