I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
