did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
