College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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