The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
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The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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