before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
