I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
