So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
