Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
