we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
