Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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