yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
