You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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