I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
