i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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