Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
