Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
