that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
