you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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